The best and worst of hotels

Okay, so I do enough hotel bashing on this blog, so I thought I would give kudos to a really nice hotel I stayed at recently.  The Omni Hotel at CNN Center in Atlanta, GA. Of course, it helped because I had my own room and didn't have to share with a co-worker, but it truly was a great place. Amazingly comfortable beds, 24 hour room service, and if you sign up for their free rewards program you get complimentary wi-fi in the room along with a newspaper, morning beverage, and some other perks. Plus, it seems Atlanta is really working to improve the downtown area.  They recently put in a Ferris wheel in Olympic Park, not far from the Coke Museum and some other tourist attractions. I would definitely stay there again - in fact, I'm going back this June.

Olympic Park in Atlanta, GA

The other side of things: I've been in some hotels that I feared my life and my overall health. I stayed at a Knights Inn in Denver off Speer Blvd and it was perhaps the worst experience I've ever had.  I was trying to save a buck and booked it online without knowing what I was getting into.  Nasty bedding, dirty bathrooms, yellow lighting, and a sippy cup under my bed with rotten milk that made the entire room stink. I walked across the street to the hotel I wish I would have booked and spent most of my time there, since they had food and a bar. Here's a helpful links for the owners at Knights Inn - maybe it's time to clean up a bit, so I've done the legwork for you:

Hotel Supply Online

Atlanta Hotel Supply

Hotel Bar Supplies

You're welcome.

Click to read the full blog about my Knight's Inn experience, or some of the many other travel stories over the years including why I'm on the Mafia hit list, top 10 things overheard at the Days Inn in Nashville, and other joys of traveling.

Other Atlanta Resources:
http://news.atlanta.net/_ir/8/20139/2013-08-21_Never_Stop_Traveling_Atlanta-Sophisticated-and-Surprising.pdf?ucid=E2013-000066 

Drooling while you sleep can be socially awkward

When I was in high school, I went to a white water rafting camp in Oregon. Basically, it was a week long and we went white water rafting every other day. It was perhaps one of the greatest weeks of my life and full of memories. One memory in particular was not so good. After a long day of rafting, I was headed home on the short bus with the other kids from my raft group. The girl next to me was obviously exhausted from the day and fell asleep almost as soon as we sat down. I didn't know her at all - never met her, never seen her, except for that day and even that day I never actually talked to her. So, about 10 minutes into the ride her head falls onto my shoulder. Let's be honest - she was really not all that attractive so it was one of those awkward moments - I didn't want to wake her up and embarrass her, but I also really didn't want her snoozing on my shoulder. But, being the nice guy I was, I didn't wake her up. A few minutes later, the bus started heading down a hill and her body wasn't prepared for the transition. The next thing I knew her whole body flopped over and her head was in my lap. As her face slapped against the back of my hand in my lap, she immediately woke up, sat straight up and looked at me with this horrified expression, then laid her head against the bus window and went back to sleep. The whole thing happened so fast, I was still trying to piece it together when I noticed the entire back-side of my hand covered in a pool of warm drool. This wasn't just a droplet, we're talking a full, chipmunk-size-storage mouthful. So, I grabbed her shirt that was sitting on the seat next to her and soaked it up - what! I wasn't going to wipe it on my clothes! I don't think she ever fully knew what happened...it's probably better that way.

Times we made mom cry

My family often went camping 4-5 times each summer when I was younger. One year, we went to a spot just up the mountain from Vail, CO. My brother and I had wondered up into the forest and had been playing up there for hours. You see, we found a tree that had fallen over onto a rock so we walked up the tree, then grabbed the top of a nearby aspen tree and jumped. I think it was a good 20-30 feet down, but aspen trees tend to be very flexible, so the strength of the tree's resistance made it "safe". What can I say -we were boys, about 12 & 13 years old at that point. I honestly can't believe I survived my childhood. Anyway, as the sun went down we decided we better start making our way back to camp. We couldn't believe how quickly it was getting dark and before we knew it, it was pitch black. So, we wondered down the mountain until we finally hit a road, realizing we were still quite a ways from our campsite. As we're walking up the road, suddenly a man (whom we've never met) comes running toward us and asks in a half-scared, half-angry voice, "ARE YOU CHAD AND TOBY!?!?" This was the point we knew we were going to be in trouble. When we finally made it back to our campsite with the escort of Mr Perky McFinderson, my dad was around the picnic table with the park ranger and other concerned campers and my mom was in the tent crying. Whoops. I guess they hadn't heard yet that we were alive. All kids make their moms cry - Clay Aiken's mom probably cries everyday. Thankfully my brother and I tried to not "bring on the waterworks" too often.

Those pennies sure do add up!

Yeah, I just got back from a family reunion. You'll notice that I'm gambling - pretty much becuase that was one of the few things to do in Des Moines, IA. Unfortantely, I was playing .02 cent slots, so the 1350 credits was a total of $27. It didn't last long... I also made some bets at the horse race track, but I lost before I could even figure out what was happening. That was fun.

It was fun to see everyone, and I had lots of time to think about life in general on the 12-hour drive (each way). One last picture: my cousins Chris, Kim and me (I'm not sure who's beers those are). Anyway, I'm still here - more to come soon.

If I had a birthday party and could invite all my friends, it would mostly be flight attendants, rental car counter personnel, and TSA agents.

Well, another fun trip. Have I mentioned my love for travel? I figured I spent about 120 nights in hotels last year for work, not including personal travel. So far, about 40 this year. Tonight, I’m staying at an old favorite – the Hampton Inn Peabody (see this past blog for a recap of my last visit here). It was quite a adventure getting into Boston. THIRFTY Rental Car decided to rent the car I had booked with my reservation. So, AVIS was the next choice and all they had were minivan’s and Cadillac’s. My “inner geezer” chose the Caddy. So, I’m pimpin’ through Boston in my Caddy, looking like a possible dealer – or just a pimp. Tomorrow, it’s off to the airport for a 7:30 AM flight to Nashville (5:30 Colorado time). Most of you aren’t even up then – slackers.
I know travel is beginning to take a toll on my sanity when I start watching TV shows like Dog the Bounty Hunter and sumo wrestling on ESPN. Plus, when I’m home I miss the warm glow from the emergency orange-nightlite coming from the wall mounted hairdryer in the bathroom and the sheets tucked in so tight on the bed that I can’t feel my legs after 15 minutes. Only on the road my friends. Let me know if there’s something else you’d rather hear me complain about. I’m always up for suggestions.

Things that work - things that don't

Before you travel, let's review a list of both things that work in your hotel room, and things that don't:
THINGS THAT DON'T:
1) In-room iron
It will simply leak all over your clothes that you can't really press anyway thanks to the fine-quality Sunbeam irons that the hotel so thoughtfully selects for their premier guests.
2) Alarm Clock
Bring your own - despite your best efforts, you'll never be able to set these to actually go off at the right time
3) Key Card Locked Doors
Insert = Red light - dangit. Insert again = Red light - piece of... Insert again = YELLOW LIGHT!! what the *** does yellow mean?
4) Hot tub
Sorry for the inconvenience, but you've chosen to stay with us for the week that our hot tub is under major repairs.
5) Under-window temperature control unit
You have two options: off or on. Recommended: crank it up and cook for a while, then shut off to freeze.
NOW, THINGS THAT DO WORK:
1) In-room Iron
looks like the iron works after all. I just got a 3rd degree burn, but it still won't take the wrinkles out of my clothes
2) Alarm Clock
wow, that works too. apparently it has a dual alarm feature and the funny guy before set it to go off at 2:17 AM
3) Key Car Locked Doors
sure enough...I just closed my door without the key and it's securely locked. I guess it's time for a trip to the front desk in my pajamas.
4) Fire Alarm
blazing loud and clear - definitely works, except that it leaves me disabled in my room with a heart attack, left to burn
5) TV Remote
well, the volume up works, but I can't get it turned back down

Really - you're missing out on the glamour if you don't travel.

Lost and gone forever

So, if you know me very well at all or work with me on a regular basis (and, yes, I probably have your phone number memorized) you know that I travel all the time. I'm also extremely hard to reach or make any sort of contact with. All that said, my brother created an unique but honest out-of-office reply for my email:

Sorry I missed you, I am never in the office, in fact I would need a map just to find the office, so of course you missed me. Rumor has it my family has sent pictures of me for milk cartons and postcards.

I am currently on a (Choose one: plane, train, automobile, ship, space shuttle) and will be spending the night at a hotel in (name a location in North America) which I will be available between 12-3 as I sleep, but I have meetings immediately before and after, following that I will be back in a (Choose one: plane, train, automobile, ship, space shuttle) until my next (chose one: sale meeting; sales training, vendor visit, client visit, or my (name of the place I am at) girlfriends house) after which you can reach me (go back to the beginning)

Your best hope of ever catching me is calling a random stewardess at the main airline hubs in the country, where they all know me by name and may also be my (name of a location in North America) girlfriend. Don’t bother calling me on the cell phone as I can never answer it and the voice mail is always full. Forget emailing me despite the fact I have four computers at my disposal - I never have time to use any of them. But you can read my blog and check out my website if you have forgotten what I look like or would like to pretend I am talking to you so you can engage in my great sense of humor.

Do not use this email as an invitation to rob my house just because I am not there - all my mail and money go to my parents house and I don’t have any time to spend my money and buy things anyway. Despite the fact I work 80 hours a week I actually don’t make that much money either. So unless you are offering a new job with less hours and better pay forget trying to get hold of me. Please just close your eyes and remember the times we used to have together and the man I used to be.

Thanks,
Toby (the machine)
(***) ***-**** [cell] (not that it's going to help you anyhow)

I should have said something...before I started screaming

Like everyone, I have my....quarks. Perhaps one of the more disturbing would be the fact that occassionally I'll wake up screaming at night. I usually try to warn new roommates or coworkers if we're traveling together, but sometimes I just forget. I've been told that I "scream like a 4th grade girl at recess". Seems natural. I've scarred more than one person with these sudden bursts of terror. Usually, my dreams aren't really that scarry. You see, the way I describe it is this: some people have dreams that make them twitch a little, perhaps snort really loud, or even wake up breathing a little faster - I just sit up screaming. Simple. I often wake myself up as well, and then laugh it off and go back to sleep. However, it seems to keep my roommates up for a while longer. One roommate actually thought he heard a mountain lion outside, but no, it was me. I've had hotel security called on me once - I'm sure the folks next door thought someone was being murdered. Did I mention I talk too? Yes, I do. Crazy things about random things, but it all makes sense in my head. Once, I was camping with some friends and had gone to bed early. When my buddy came into the tent late that night, after zipping it up, he turned around only to be nose-to-nose with me. According to him, my eyes were open and I said, "Hey man, did you find your shoe?". Then, I just flopped back down onto my sleeping bag. I guess it was a little strange. I don't know - I don't remember it. Anyway, let this be your fair warning: if you're ever my roommate, neighbor, or in the same hotel as me, just make sure you hear me laughing after the scream and you'll know I'm alrgiht. And please - don't call security. That's embarrassing. All that said, feel free to analyze your own dreams.

"And they named it COSMIX"

My patience for traffic is minimal at best. Now the city is working on a project to widen the Interstate. You know it's going to be bad when they give the project a name (COSMIX) and create a website. This website is filled with reasons you'll be late for work, as well as traffic cams of people just like you sitting in traffic. Yes, everything you could want, from which exits are closed to downloadable maps of detour routes. I'll be sure to print those out and keep them handy in my car. It's a simple way for the city to say, "We're going to be doing this construction for a very long time." Of course, you wouldn't want to miss any of the excitement, so they've decreased the speed limit to 45 as well. That way, everyone can get a good, long look at the workers pushing dirt around. Please join us for the completion party in the year 2030.

"Days Inn: Just A Gunshot Away!"

Sometimes I make poor decisions. About 2 weeks ago, I booked a room for 2 nights at the Days Inn in Nashville (on West End Ave). That was a bad decision. Right now, I'm dealing with the consequences of my bad decision - night #2. Mental Note: Sometimes it's worth paying a little more to stay alive and free of diseases. In honor of this smashing hotel, I've created a Top 10 list for your enjoyment and my sanity:
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE DAYS INN:
10) Could you shut the drapes? The neon lights from the gentleman's club are really bright
9) Good thing they patched that leak in the ceiling - this mattress can't hold much more water
8) Those dead bugs really help block the draft coming in through the window
7) Thanks for helping us conserve water by hanging your towel on the bathroom door if we can use it again for another guest
6) Feel free to use the chair in your room to prop under the door handle while you sleep.
5) The gunshots are much further away than they sound
4) My hands are filthy - all I did was pull back the shower curtain
3) Park anywhere you want on our property - it's a guessing game which car will get broken into tonight
2) If someone knocks on your door claiming to be housekeeping, it's a trick - we don't have housekeeping
AND NUMBER ONE....
1) Sorry, no vacancy. All rooms are being used by the Nashville PD for surveillance

Newly Renovated: FREE FUMES!

If you're looking to travel to Boston, may I suggest the newly renovated Hampton Inn in Peabody. Conveniently located off Route 1, this once trashy, dump off the highway has been remodeled. Yes, it's certainly a privledge to stay here now - they must have just finished painting and laying carpet before I walked in. There's the overbearing smell of new carpet glue (similar to the toxic fumes that escape when you burn plastic in the campfire), combined with a refreshing hint of paint. I was going to go out and get some dinner, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to operate heavy machinery after being in this room more than 1 hour. If I slip into a coma, come get my body in Rm 523 (wear your grubbies - don't want to get paint on your church clothes).
I'll just keep touching my fingertip to my nose and saying the alphabet backwards to make sure the fumes aren't affecting me too much.

Isn't it Ironic, Don't ya think...a little to-o i-ronic

well, the title isn't very original (and it's actually copyrighted as well) but the fact of the matter is this: I decided to create this blog so I would have something to keep me entertained on the road while I travel. However, now I'm not having time to blog because...that's right - i'm traveling. Hmmmm.
I just got back from Canada. It was cold - like God was punshing me for something stupid I've done. The only thing stupid that I could think of....was going to Canada. Actually, it was a great trip and we had lots of fun. You can see some pictures if you want. We went to Edmonton for a large conference and then up to Jasper for a day off.
I've given my most deep and sincere apologies to Ruth for not blogging, and now, I officially offer them to the rest of you.
NEXT TRIP: Grand Rapids, MI
NUMBER OF NIGHTS: 1
LEVEL OF EXCITEMENT: 0
FUN THINGS TO DO IN GR: 1 - leave
BEST TIME TO VISIT: Night, there's nothing to see anyway
OVERALL RATING: better than Detroit

This just in: I'm still alive

I've been lost in the mountains for weeks - that's why I haven't blogged! Okay, maybe not. I really have no excuse. It's kind of like taking out my trash - I just didn't get around to it until people started to worry. No, I've been a complete slacker. Last week, I went to Hershey, PA and Chicago, IL and just got back yesterday. I love going to Chicago because I know each time that if I drive in Chicago traffic and live to tell about it, God has a very special plan for my life. Anyway, it was a business trip, but lots of fun too. Then, today I went hiking in the beautiful Rocky Mountains (hence the picture). I will post more later - I'm not really feeling creative right now, but due to the comments, I felt it necessary to confirm that I was indeed alive.

"I can actually hear you getting fatter"

Yes, a classic line from Tommy Boy rings all-too-true the last few days of travel. I've discovered new food options available to Americans. First of all, I was in Wisconsin today (I sat in O'hare from 6:30pm - 11:30pm waiting for my plane to Wisconsin, but that's another story). Anyway, while I sat in O'hare I talked to some other passengers waiting for the Green Bay flight. We got on the topic of cheees curds and what a wonderful "treat" they are. They told us we HAD to have fried cheese curds before we left. I know it doesn't sound good, but I'm sure it's not. Then, one of our customers today was confirming how wonderful cheese curds are and said, "sometimes they sqeak on your teeth when you chew them." Raise your hand if this really sounds good? Hmmmm, Hmmmm. At first, I didn't think they sounded good, but the "sqeaking" on my teeth captured me. ARE YOU KIDDING! I still have yet to try these and it's not a life goal at this point. Here's a pic of a cheese curd if you still had any doubts.
Anyway, now I'm in Cincinnati, OH where they are known for their chili. But here's the gross part: they have fastfood chili resturants where that's all they serve (Skyline and Goldstar are the main two). These people eat large bowls of chili as a meal, but not just chili. They start by putting pasta noodles in a bowl, add some chili, then cheese, then stop your heart, pull out the paddles, CLEAR, restart, more cheese, topped with chili and heartburn. Rumor is that the chili itself contains chocolate and cinnamon, and is a sweet-chili. Also (and this is my favorite part) you can ask for a 3-way, 4-way or 5-way. 3-way: pasta, chili, cheese. 4-way: add either onions or red beans, and 5-way: everything. Please, anyone from Wisconsin or Ohio tell me why either of these are tempting.

On the Mafia hitlist

Chicago has to be one of the greatest cities. Excellent food, great shopping (apparently), and the Mafia. Yes, I'm in Chicago (again) for a conference which ended tonight. Me and a few coworkers ended the night with drinks and cigars at the bar, which was fun and low key. Last night however was much more adventurous. You see, I have to set the story up: last year when I was here, I went to a local Chicago Italian restaurant with my boss. As we sat there eating our lunch, we noticed this place was authentic, down to the table of "the family" in the back smoking cigars and talking about how "business" was going (not necessarily at the food business). Anyway, the longer we stayed the more "family" showed up and pretty soon we were the only customers in the restaurant. The waiter was very nice to us, but was subtly suggesting we leave as he showed the men arriving into a private room off to the side. All that said, it was quite the experience and we figured we should leave while we could. So, back to the present, we told our sales team about this place and they decided they wanted to go check it out. So last night, 10 of us went there for dinner. All was going well until our CEO decided to make the hilarious comment to one of the owners, "We came to see the Mafia!" Our jaws dropped and our lives flashed before our eyes is disbelief at his comment. Also, the owner was not amused by his comment and got this look in his eye like, "Eat up - it's you last meal". So, for the rest of the night we feared any special invitations to "come see the kitchen" or "take a tour of the city, ending at the lake".
Lesson learned: Don't make Mafia jokes when the Mafia is standing right there.

Airplane Etiquette - Don't Sneeze in the Magazine

I just returned home (Colorado Springs) from a trip to Nashville and realized how disgusting people are sometimes. As I watched people on the plane, I realized two major things: 1) the cold is going around 2) People like to find ways to share. On the front cover of Hemispheres Magazine (provided by United) it says, "Your Free Copy", but after seeing how people used this magazine, I don't think anyone in their right mind would take it home or even pick it up. I noticed one older man reading this magazine and apparently he felt a sneeze coming on. So, in his moment of panic he quickly brought the magazine up to his face and used it as a sneeze guard. He might as well have finished it off by blowing his nose in it. Then, another individual was having similar issues and found that clearing his nasal passages with his finger was the best option. Unfortunately, Kleenex is not provided along with your free pretzels and Pepsi, but he found the magazine was a great backup for those pesky boogers. So, next time you see "Your Free Copy" you may want to just think about what the magazine might contain - it's far more than just travel tips.

And then there was the Fall

No, no - not the Adam and Eve fall! Fall, as in the season. It's already here and almost gone. I took this picture one Saturday that I was actually home. I had just returned from a sales trip to Canada and I just needed a day to enjoy where I live, so I went out and took pictures. This picture is of the entrance to Glen Eyrie Castle in Colorado Springs. If you've never been there, it's a must see at the foot of the Rocky Mountains.
I love Fall - it's by far my favorite season. However, We've already had our first snow here in Colorado. It came in early OCT (the 10th I believe) and left me waiting in another airport....which begs the question, how much longer can I handle a job that I travel non-stop? Hmmmm...

Oh, Canada

Well, I've certainly been slacking with the blogging. what can I say - I have things to do, people to see, ... who am I kidding. I'm sitting in my hotel room at Niagara Falls (Canada side). I'm learning LOTS of interesting things about Canada. For instance, poutine. Have you ever heard of this? Basically, it's french fries with brown gravy and cheese curds melting over the top. "I can actually HEAR you getting fat" comes to mind. it's actually not too bad - just a heads up that they often ask you if you want gravy on your fries up here. i got fish and chips one day and the waitress asked if I wanted gravvy. I said, "No, just malt vinegar" and she laughed knowing that I was for sure an American. Anyway, now you know so you won't make the same mistake.
Last week, I was in Edmonton (the OTHER side of Canada - western) at a youth conference. that was a blast, but I'm worn out.
This week, I get to be here in Niagara Falls. It is beautiful and I would definitely recommend anyone making the trip. Make sure you visit Niagara On the Lake if you're on the Canada side. It's very touristy, but a nice, quaint little place with lots of overpriced shops.

Aaahhh, the joy of travel

Remember me? We were probably friends at one point before I started traveling for a living. My job is taking me across the country for the past 4 years, but now the travel has increased even more. I keep telling my girlfriend that it's like 'Summer Camp'. One week at a time that we're away and it'll go so quick she'll barely notice that I'm gone. Yeah, that was a nice idea but not so much.
So if you don't know me, welcome into my head. I needed something to keep me sane while I travel, so i thought blogging was a nice option. Let me introduce myself: I'm strange, sometimes funny, and somewhat bitter about random things. That's all you need to know - I don't want anyone stalking me. Speaking of stalking, I used to work at Focus on the Family. I was a tour guide so i had lots of interaction with the public. The security staff there recommended that I didn't put my last name on my ID Badge for fear of guests stalking me (believe it or not, it had happened in the past with other tour guides). Despite their advice, I included my last name and figured, "Aaah, I'm a college student. A little excitement of a stalker might be fun." No one ever stalked me (i know, you thought that was going to be a really good story. nope.) I loved being in college - I didn't have anything. everyone was so worried about Y2K when I was in college. People were warning me to prepare and stock up for "the end of the world". I never did, because I figured even if I loose everything I have....I'm out $300 bucks.
Currently, I'm in a hotel room in Grand Rapids, MI. DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN GR, MI?!?! nothing, except a customer I needed to see. Earlier this week I was in Chicago (city and suburbs) and I finally get to spend a few days at home starting tomorrow. I hit some great food spots in Chicago, including a pizza and grinders restuarant downtown on Clark. It was amazing food. Also, I never miss going to Portillo's for hot dogs when I'm there. Good choice.
But traveling certainly creates lots of great stories to tell. For instance, last time I flew to Chicago, I was suddenly awaken on the plane by a loud, gushy, belching sound. At first I didn't know what it was, until I looked down and saw the vomit on my clothes from the passenger behind me. He apologized (wasn't that nice!) but "sorry" doesn't make the vomit go away. understand that I have just about the weakest stomach ever. I can't handle blood, vomit, boogers, or other secretions from the human body. I could never make it in a hospital, and I sometimes question if I could ever handle having kids. All that said, I would have lost my breakfast that morning on the plane, but United Airlines sidesteped that landmine by no longer serving meals on flights. No, just small bags of "Plane Cheezies" (a terrible imitation of Cheezit crackers shapped like airplanes - seriously, what am I, 5 years old? what a joke). So, the flight attendant (or whatever the PC term is now) brought me some wetwipes to clean off my khaki pants so I could attend my morning meeting that I was flying in for. What a day.
This trip, there are many stories - some which are a little vulgar and being that my mother could read this I won't share. One consistent problem of traveling is often I'll travel with roommates/coworkers. I try to remember to warn them that I talk in my sleep and occasionally scream like a 4th grade girl at recess. Now, understand that I'm not really a cussing-type-guy. But the other night I woke my roommate up with one simple word, yelled at the top of my lungs - $#!+!!!! Even though he was shaking and his heartrate trippled, deep down i think he thought it was funny.
Well, stick with me on my adventures on the road - we'll talk soon.