Dear Makers of Tag Body Spray

Consider Yourself Warned

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Dear makers of TAG body spray,
I recently saw one of your commercials and was more than excited to try your new body spray. I was only imagining what could happen the minute I sprayed myself with your product - my mind was filled with images of large groups of girls attacking me instantly. Unfortunately, this hasn't been my experience.
When you said, "Consider Yourself Warned", I guess I thought this was a good thing. The first day I used TAG, I was overcome by a cloud of aerosol gas that I couldn't help but inhale in the close-quarters of my bathroom. My eyes began burning and when I exhaled, it was like I had been smoking TAG hookah. After escaping the formidable cloud myself, I wasn't coherent enough to think about warning my roommate. Before I knew it, he had entered the bathroom and was quickly suffering the effects of my little black bottle. Thankfully, we're both alright.
I've also noticed that the smell is slightly overpowering at first, and then it begins to turn sour throughout the day. The first day I went out after trying tag, I noticed women suddenly covering their mouths as I walked by. At first, I thought they were just laughing because I was suckered into believing they would be attracted to me, but then I realized they were throwing up in their mouths just a little. Indeed, the various scents don't seem to be as appealing to women as you promised in your commercials.
Thankfully, I won't need a refund on the $5 per bottle I paid for this product. I've found that it kills bees and wasps immediately with a quick shot, or I can empty a whole can into my house before leaving for vacation and it acts as a bug bomb, killing everything inside!

THANKS TAG!

T. L. Lorenc