Monday, September 18, 2006

Second time's a charm

One of my favorite hobbies in high school was perfecting the art of TP'ing others houses. I had a friend who was constantly dating various girls, but most importantly, constantly breaking up with them. They made the perfect targets to practice our skills. One night, we were TP'ing one of his exgirlfriends house. When you're buying "supplies" at the store, the clerk has a pretty good idea of where you're headed. You're wearing all black, and purchasing 2 very cheap 24 packs of toilet paper - you're not fooling anyone.
Anyway, we were so excited, we went too early - we should have waited until early in the morning. Instead, it was about midnight and when we were almost finished, a car started coming up the street. We both laid down in the grass waiting for the car to pass. Instead, it began to slow down and pulled into the driveway - it was her dad!! At one point, his headlights lit up my face like a jack-o-lantern, but somehow he didn't notice me. I think he was too distracted by the 44 rolls of TP hanging from the trees. So, he gets out of the car and starts walking around the yard, pulling down all the TP and mumbling something under his breath. He was out there for a good 20 minutes trying to clean it up, all the while we're laying silently in the grass on opposite ends of the yard, sometimes just feet from him. Finally, he tore it all was his fatal mistake: he threw it in a big pile, just outside the garage by the side of the house and went inside. We hated to see it all go to waste, so we stayed another 30 minutes and put it all back up, plus hung the additional 4 roles we hadn't yet used.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Public Announcement

I think one of the best purchases I ever made was a $40 CB radio with a PA option, and a $14 bullhorn speaker that I inconspicuously placed behind the grill of my '86 Chevy Nova. I know, that's a lot of numbers - all you need to remember is that it's illegal. But it brought hours of fun, many laughs, and no felonies (thankfully). One time, I was on a date and we went to Garden of the Gods Park. Not to walk around or enjoy the scenery, but to use my PA system. It was about 10:30PM, I pulled the car up to a trailhead and killed the headlights. Then, in a calm voice, I got on the PA and said, "Thanks for visiting Garden of the Gods Park. The park is now closed. Anyone remaining in the park will receive a $300 fine. Thank you." It wasn't but 10 seconds later, we see a group of teenagers running up the trail towards our car in the parking lot. They didn't think it was as funny as we did. Probably the most illegal use of the PA was in the car on the highway when my roommate was making police-siren sounds and people were actually pulling over. The next thing we knew, we were being pulled over. When the officer approached the car she said, "Do you know why I'm pulling you over?" We were scared spitless and said we weren't sure why....thankfully, she had not heard the PA but only noticed that one of my friends didn't have a seat belt on. WHEW! That's called "Impersonating a Police Officer" and I think I could have done time. On another occassion, I pulled up to a busy gas station and announced, "Thanks for filling up at Diamond Shamrock. Free coffee with every fill up today!" I'm sure the clerk had some explaining to do when customers requested their free coffee. It was amazing that people didn't think twice and just assumed what they were hearing was the loud speaker at the gas station. Yes, many fond memories. I also enjoyed playing tricks on co-workers. For example, after work one day I was getting into my car ready to leave when I saw a fellow co-worker walking out the front door. She had her arms full with various bags and crap she was brining home from work. So, I got on the PA and said, "Barbara, you have a call at the front desk, Barbara, front desk." You could tell she didn't want to turn around and go back inside - she'd barely been able to open the door the first time with all the things she was carrying. But, like any good employee, she turned around and went back in. Less than a minute later, she was coming out again, fumbling with all her stuff. Another opportunity: "Barbara - please report to the front desk. Barbara" This time, she was ticked - you could see it on her face, but she turned around and went back inside. Finally, the third time as I was making another announcement, she was downright upset. She looked around, and spotted me in my car just a few feet in front of her. The funny thing is there wasn't even an outdoor intercom system...but she fell for it. Good times. I'm a jerk.