Tuesday, April 01, 2008

YOU'RE the one who ruined our friendship, I'M just deleting your picture

It's that tough battle that many of us face today - we want more friends on Facebook and deleting a current friend seems preposterous (yeah, I totally had to look that word up on dictionary.com). But sometimes they leave you with no other choice. Here's a letter you're free to use if you find yourself in this awkward situation:

Dear _________ ,

Look, since we've never met each other this is going to be even more awkward. I'm not sure how you talked me into adding you as a friend. I've been very patient with you as you've added 3 new applications each day. I get so excited when I see that I have "5 Notifications" but when I open them, I see your sorry, poorly lit profile picture that you took of yourself in the mirror under the yellowish lights of the bathroom one Friday night as you stayed at home alone. Next to your picture, I'm immediately brought up-to-date on all the ridiculous new applications created for Facebook that day. Where do you find these? How many walls, pokes, races, and fights do I really need? I'm exhausted by the fact that you poke, pinch, throw, prod, tase, throw sharp objects, and exchange bunnies with me daily and ask me to return the "favor." And, no, you're still not my "Top Friend" because it would make my girlfriend angry.
Frankly, I don't care where you've been because I never intend to go anywhere with you. I don't care what kind of drink you order at Starbucks because I'm not going to bring you one, and I could care less if you've compared me as a worse kisser than your friend Timmy.
I'm sorry if this is abrupt, but I'm deleting you from my friends. You're the one who ruined our friendship, I'm just deleting your picture.