Friday, May 08, 2009

"It's the worst thing you can think of"

With mother's day approaching, I thought I would share some life lessons from mom.
When I was about 6 years old, my brother and I were playing football in the front yard and our annoying neighbor (Otis) came up to our house. He wanted to be included in the fun, but we really weren't interested in his company. After he asked a few times and we told him to go home, it was obvious he wasn't going to give up and we needed to take further action.
So, my brother being the smart one had me do the dirty work. My brother holds up his middle finger and tells me to go up to Otis, put it in his face and say, "Get off our property." Nice Chad. Me, being the young innocent non-tainted mind sibling had no idea what it meant but apparently it was a nice way to tell Otis to go home. So, I did it. Otis marched right past me through our yard, rang the doorbell and informed my mom of what I did. "Thank you, Otis" she replied...."Now go home" (she didn't really like him either). I knew by the tone of her voice when she called me inside that I probably shouldn't have listened to Chad's solution for getting Otis home. "Toby, we NEVER do that" my mom said. I was clueless and said, "Why not? What does it mean?" Instead of giving my six-year-old mind descriptive details, she just said, "It's the worst thing you can think of." WOW! I felt terrible and I'm sure the horrified look on my face communicated to my mother that I would never do that again, at least not until I was old enough to start driving.
A few weeks later, I was spending the night at a friends house in his tent in the backyard and we were telling dirty jokes and eating the white bread we snuck into the tent. (Yeah, white bread. Apparently that was the best we could come up with). Anyway, I decided to share my insight with my friend, Jonathan, so I held up my middle finger and said, "Check this means POOP!"

Monday, May 04, 2009

Sincere, but sincerely wrong

When I was a kid, I loved to sing. It seems that the signing was more important to me than the words. I know this because I was often surprised when I learned the actual words to songs were not the lyrics I was signing. I think my favorite was:

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy
Down in my heart
Down in my heart.... Tuesday.

Yeah, Tuesday. I thought those were the words. If I'm breaking this hard news to you for the first time, it should be "to stay" as is permanently, not just one day of the week.

I also loved another song I sang in Sunday school. The real lyrics are:

Ho ho ho ho-san-na
Ha Ha Ha-le-lu-ah
He He He Save-d Me
And I've got the joy in the Lord

Apparently I thought this was a seasonal song, because I sang:

Ho Ho Ho Ho San-ta

I know what you're thinking. I'm amazed I've made it this far in life too.