Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I think I con myself most of the time

Well, you're probably tired of hearing my travel stories so let's change gears - shopping misfortunes. I think I often con myself into bad purchases. A great example: Columbia House. Folks, this has never really been a good deal yet I (and others) continually take advantage of this "incredible special". You get the little flier or email showing you a great deal - 8 CD's for a penny! How can you go wrong?!? I read the fine print everytime, like I don't know that you have to buy 4 more at regular price (I'm not sure where they're getting this "regular price" because it's close to what I'd spend for the CD player itself, let alone a single disc). So, I sign up. Yes, BMG, Columbia House CD, Columbia House DVD, etc, etc - they're all just waiting for suckers like myself. A few weeks later, you've got a whole box of new DVD's for just pennies. Now the real fun starts: don't forget to send the reply card back or you'll get the editor's pick of the month - the "featured selection". I think the next logical question is, "Who is this guy and why is he picking these movies"? You know, the classics like Hair Show, The Mexican (aka Brad Pitt's compromise), and Jingle All the Way (ditto for Arnold). The next thing you know, these are showing up in your mailbox as your first clue that you apparently trashed the reply card about two weeks ago. Then, the box is designed just right so you can't actually see what the DVD is until you open it. You try pulling up the window flap just enough to not tear the box for non-returnable status, but enough to see what Mr. Very Unsavvy editor has sent you next. Finally, you get so frustrated and rip it open - DING - sale for Columbia House DVD. Not just any sale - a "regular price" sale which means you just paid $25 for a DVD. 1 down, 3 to go! Hurry and get your last 3 (for one, you've got a deadline and they're going to charge you anyway) because once you meet your membership criteria, you'll unlock special savings as a valued-customer. You poor, sorry sap. Don't worry - when you're done with this commitment, you can always sign up again! Anyway, click here to get started.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

"Days Inn: Just A Gunshot Away!"

Sometimes I make poor decisions. About 2 weeks ago, I booked a room for 2 nights at the Days Inn in Nashville (on West End Ave). That was a bad decision. Right now, I'm dealing with the consequences of my bad decision - night #2. Mental Note: Sometimes it's worth paying a little more to stay alive and free of diseases. In honor of this smashing hotel, I've created a Top 10 list for your enjoyment and my sanity:
10) Could you shut the drapes? The neon lights from the gentleman's club are really bright
9) Good thing they patched that leak in the ceiling - this mattress can't hold much more water
8) Those dead bugs really help block the draft coming in through the window
7) Thanks for helping us conserve water by hanging your towel on the bathroom door if we can use it again for another guest
6) Feel free to use the chair in your room to prop under the door handle while you sleep.
5) The gunshots are much further away than they sound
4) My hands are filthy - all I did was pull back the shower curtain
3) Park anywhere you want on our property - it's a guessing game which car will get broken into tonight
2) If someone knocks on your door claiming to be housekeeping, it's a trick - we don't have housekeeping
1) Sorry, no vacancy. All rooms are being used by the Nashville PD for surveillance

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Newly Renovated: FREE FUMES!

If you're looking to travel to Boston, may I suggest the newly renovated Hampton Inn in Peabody. Conveniently located off Route 1, this once trashy, dump off the highway has been remodeled. Yes, it's certainly a privledge to stay here now - they must have just finished painting and laying carpet before I walked in. There's the overbearing smell of new carpet glue (similar to the toxic fumes that escape when you burn plastic in the campfire), combined with a refreshing hint of paint. I was going to go out and get some dinner, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to operate heavy machinery after being in this room more than 1 hour. If I slip into a coma, come get my body in Rm 523 (wear your grubbies - don't want to get paint on your church clothes).
I'll just keep touching my fingertip to my nose and saying the alphabet backwards to make sure the fumes aren't affecting me too much.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Embarrassing Photos: Part 1

Ahhhh, the 80's. Okay, 1987 to be exact. I was in 3rd grade and apparently cowboy shirts and fluffy flattop hair was "in". Of course, there is always the possibility that neither of these cutting edge fashions were "in", but that was my life. The sad news is, this was picture day so I probably looked better than usual. Obviously, I didn't bother getting a hair cut - I guess I was just so excited about picture day at school that I didn't bother. Some people commented at this point in my life, I looked like IceMan from the popular movie, Top Gun.
I used to whistle while I walked - not for fun, or even on purpose. It just happened when the air blew through the large holes where my teeth used to be. Thankfully, I still had my rabbit teeth up front. Memories.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Party Tricks

As you can tell, I have a fairly large mouth and during a New Years party at my house in 1997, I thought I would be "festive" by putting 97 pretzel sticks in my mouth to celebrate the new year. Then, I figured since I had 97, I might as well go for 100. I failed to think through the consequences of having my lips wrapped around 100 salty pretzel sticks. Plus, my mouth was watering and there was really no way to control the constant stream of drool goozing through the pretzels and running down my chin. My mouth was dry for the rest of the night and my lips were burning. The upside: I didn't need salt on the brim of my margarita's for the rest of the night.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Isn't it Ironic, Don't ya think...a little to-o i-ronic

well, the title isn't very original (and it's actually copyrighted as well) but the fact of the matter is this: I decided to create this blog so I would have something to keep me entertained on the road while I travel. However, now I'm not having time to blog because...that's right - i'm traveling. Hmmmm.
I just got back from Canada. It was cold - like God was punshing me for something stupid I've done. The only thing stupid that I could think of....was going to Canada. Actually, it was a great trip and we had lots of fun. You can see some pictures if you want. We went to Edmonton for a large conference and then up to Jasper for a day off.
I've given my most deep and sincere apologies to Ruth for not blogging, and now, I officially offer them to the rest of you.
NEXT TRIP: Grand Rapids, MI
BEST TIME TO VISIT: Night, there's nothing to see anyway
OVERALL RATING: better than Detroit