Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Optical illusion? No, just a bad day.

It looks like the front end of a car in the back seat! How is this possible? Optical illusion?
No, just a bad day.
You see, Colorado was hit with a bad snow storm last week and I was one of the many unfortunate people to get stuck in this mess. Interstates and highways were closed, Denver International Airport was shut down, and even the post office was closed for 2 days right before Christmas (rain, snow, sleet, or hail....but apparently not blizzards). For some reason, I decided to go to work (actually, it's still my hobby) and as I pulled into the parking lot of my company my car got stuck in the snow. As I tried to get unstuck, I was throwing the car into reverse and heard an unfortunate noise. That was my front bumper snapping off. Apparently, the underneath side of my bumper cover was serving as a large snow shovel under my car, scooping snow until it couldn't handle any more. I was trying to dig my car out for almost 2 hours and of course, I didn't have a shovel with me, so I was down on my knees reaching under the car, trying to pull the snow out with my hands. Now, I'm left with frost-bite on my knee caps and a rather strange looking car and a bill for over $1,000 for repairs. Donations are always welcome.
Ideally, you should have a Winter Car Kit during this time of year in case this happens to you too. This includes everything from a shovel, to a bag of kitty litter in case you can't go (that's for traction under your tires - it has nothing to do with relieving yourself). Maybe I'll take my own advice and put all the stuff in my car someday.
Anyway, I think it's time to move to Phoenix where I don't have to deal with Colorado snow storms.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Consider Yourself Warned

Click here to watch this blog as a video
Dear makers of TAG body spray,
I recently saw one of your commercials and was more than excited to try your new body spray. I was only imagining what could happen the minute I sprayed myself with your product - my mind was filled with images of large groups of girls attacking me instantly. Unfortunately, this hasn't been my experience.
When you said, "Consider Yourself Warned", I guess I thought this was a good thing. The first day I used TAG, I was overcome by a cloud of aerosol gas that I couldn't help but inhale in the close-quarters of my bathroom. My eyes began burning and when I exhaled, it was like I had been smoking TAG hookah. After escaping the formidable cloud myself, I wasn't coherent enough to think about warning my roommate. Before I knew it, he had entered the bathroom and was quickly suffering the effects of my little black bottle. Thankfully, we're both alright.
I've also noticed that the smell is slightly overpowering at first, and then it begins to turn sour throughout the day. The first day I went out after trying tag, I noticed women suddenly covering their mouths as I walked by. At first, I thought they were just laughing because I was suckered into believing they would be attracted to me, but then I realized they were throwing up in their mouths just a little. Indeed, the various scents don't seem to be as appealing to women as you promised in your commercials.
Thankfully, I won't need a refund on the $5 per bottle I paid for this product. I've found that it kills bees and wasps immediately with a quick shot, or I can empty a whole can into my house before leaving for vacation and it acts as a bug bomb, killing everything inside!


T. L. Lorenc