Confessions of a bachelor

I love being single, mostly because I can get away with things no sane spouse could handle. Here are a few examples of my daily life that keep me laughing at myself:

Ironing

I keep a water bottle handy to spray my clothes with a light mist, then throw them in the dryer to get the wrinkles out.

Dusting

Thanks to Sharper Image, I just turn on my Ionic Breeze machine and it takes all the dust particles out of the air.

Trash

There is an art to stacking, shoving, piling and towering the trash.

http://ejucatedguy.blogspot.com/2005/12/art-of-bachelorhood.html

Eating

Do not under estimate the power of gift cards.

Laundry

Don't let the care instruction tags fool you - throw it all in together, even "Dry Clean Only"

Sweeping

A leaf blower works wonders, even inside.  Just make sure the Ionic Breeze is turned on.

Shoveling

Snow melts.

Cleaning

When I need to clean the toilet, I flush first and then pee really hard on the stains.

Atlanta discoveries: food, Ford, and furries

I just arrived back from a few days in Atlanta.  I was there for work, but I learned about more than I intended.

FOOD

Thrive Restaurant: 101 Marietta Street | Atlanta, GA 30303

First of all, there are some incredible restaurants in Atlanta.  I kept just eating, and for both lunch and dinner. I decided maybe a good way to start dieting is to simply make the move from a six-course meal, down to two. I nearly killed myself at South City Kitchen (midtown location) with fried green tomatoes, she-crab soup, buttermilk fried chicken, and homemade banana pudding to top it all off. I ate enough to keep me going for 3 days, yet I continued to hit up other restaurants like Thrive and Stats which both are worth going back next time I'm in town.

FORD

2013 Atlanta International Auto Show

Also, I was checking out the Georgia Convention Center space for my job and there was a car show going on while we were on our site visit.  I found myself drooling over some very cool cars, and believe it or not, even some Fords. But I have to say I'm not a big fan of the new Ford Explorer.

FURRIES

Okay, so this was the odd part of my trip. We're sitting in the Atlanta Gift Mart one day and this person with a full wolf-looking custom (including head, tail, paws, etc) runs by the window. One of our contacts immediately piped in, "Oh, the furry convention is in town!" I had never heard of this odd phenomena  - these people are fully committed, running down Hotlanta streets in full costumes, drinking at bars through straws so they don't have to remove their heads, and customizing pairs of pants so their tails can come out the back.  Yes, tails.  Someone please explain this to me - I still don't really understand.  My observation was it's simply a group of lonely 20-something nerds looking for some community to be part of something bigger than themselves.  And no, I don't have any pictures on this experience.

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Some requests for the next time Wendy's makes my hamburger

Dear Wendy's Sandwich Makers

Dear Wendy's sandwich makers,
I have a few requests for the next time you make my sandwich.  Certainly, I'm no restaurant connoisseur, but there seem to be some common sense ideals I'd like to mention that perhaps you could consider.
First of all, please consider the fact that I don't eat my entire hamburger in one bite.  I don't know what kind of training you go through or what burger-making formula you're taught your first day working at Wendy's. But let me give you a little insight: most people enjoy pickles with every bite of the burger, not just the very center bite where you stack all 5 pickles on top of each other.
Same goes for the glob of mustard. There's a reason it comes out of the container in a thin line. Try rotating your hand in a circular motion around the top of the hamburger. One giant squeeze, creating "Mustard Mountain" right in the center is not the preferred method. You can also practice this method with the ketchup and mayo!
Next, onions are obviously the cheapest ingredient since you so graciously pile 1/4 pound of onion on each burger. I thought it was supposed to be a quarter pound of meat? Perhaps there is some confusion and you should go back and reference your manual.
Also, keep in mind that when surveyed, most American's preferred red tomatoes, not hard green crunchy ones. I think I may have figured this one out. Your slogan on your website reads Quality is Our Recipe. I guess I need to request that recipe next time I come in; I didn't realize it was by request only. This is no fault of yours, as a sandwich maker, but maybe just consider it in the broad scheme of things.
Finally, when I  unwrapped my burger tonight, I found most of these condiments smeared all over the sandwich wrapper and consequently all over the outside of the bun. I understand you're working for speed, but obviously that's not working out for you too well either. There's always a huge line when I come in to order and I end up waiting about 5 minutes per customer before I even make it to the counter.
Is any of this making sense to you?  Do you eat your own sandwiches and actually experience these issues that countless customers are taking in stride every meal? Certainly, you don't claim to be "sandwich artists" and it's becoming more and more clear why.
One more thought - has your store ever considered getting more than one credit card terminal for all the cash registers, which gets tied up when you get a phone call or another customer chooses to pay with credit?
Just thought you might consider my suggestions.

A surprise in every meal!

I'll admit - I eat out a lot. (Alone. But that's another story.) I think Sonic Drive-In is one of my favorite places. Yeah. They don't even invite you inside. You're encouraged to stay in your car. Sure, they set up a few picnic tables outside, but they're the kind with the holes in them and you end up loosing lots of food through the table. Plus, if you spill your drink you're screwed. It immediately soaks your pants and you'll need an ample supply of napkins. But none of the car-hops are around when you need something. Sure, they've been over a dozen times to see if you want more ketchup packets or another peppermint, but good luck finding them when they mess up your order or you spill all over your pants because of their special recipe-for-disaster-picnic-tables. If you dare try to go inside and open the sacred "Sonic Door" all the employees yell out some sort of secret code word that basically means you shouldn't have walked into their kitchen. Also, few people know this, but Sonic DOES have bathrooms. They're kind of like gas station bathrooms; it's a scary door that looks like a janitor closet you can only access from outside the building. But my favorite thing about Sonic is that you get to sample a bit of everything when you go. Sure, they always ask if you want fries, tots, or onion rings but we all know it doesn't matter which one you order. After a couple of tots, you find a few fries mashed into your box, and if you're lucky, some onion ring pieces. I wonder what their thinking in that private little kitchen of theirs. I order tots for a reason, but I always get the "combo pack". The real reason I go to Sonic is the amazing music they blare over the loud speakers. And, I'll admit it, I'm just hoping one day to see a car hop bite it in the parking lot on their roller skates.

Refreshing Turkey Legs!

Every holiday weekend gives us a reason to party - Memorial Day, St Patrick's Day, July 4th, Yom Kippur, etc. There are always plenty of festivals, parades, and events to occupy our time off work. And for some reason, when we get out in the hot sun, our senses are dulled and our judgment is impaired. I know this because I watch people line up and pay for overpriced turkey legs and giant pickles. Neither one of these is something I would consider a "refreshing snack". Maybe it's just me, but the last thing I'm thinking on a hot summer day is, "boy could I use a giant, hot turkey leg." Have you ever seen a marathon runner finish the race and head for the grill for a turkey leg? or a sunbather enjoying a day at the beach and crack open the cooler for a warm piece of poultry? No (unless you live in Alabama). So what makes them so tempting at carnivals and festivals? Someone needs to take a stand for all mankind and proudly say, "that's filthy disgusting."