Friday, March 31, 2006

Lost and gone forever


So, if you know me very well at all or work with me on a regular basis (and, yes, I probably have your phone number memorized) you know that I travel all the time. I'm also extremely hard to reach or make any sort of contact with. All that said, my brother created an unique but honest out-of-office reply for my email:

Sorry I missed you, I am never in the office, in fact I would need a map just to find the office, so of course you missed me. Rumor has it my family has sent pictures of me for milk cartons and postcards.

I am currently on a (Choose one: plane, train, automobile, ship, space shuttle) and will be spending the night at a hotel in (name a location in North America) which I will be available between 12-3 as I sleep, but I have meetings immediately before and after, following that I will be back in a (Choose one: plane, train, automobile, ship, space shuttle) until my next (chose one: sale meeting; sales training, vendor visit, client visit, or my (name of the place I am at) girlfriends house) after which you can reach me (go back to the beginning)

Your best hope of ever catching me is calling a random stewardess at the main airline hubs in the country, where they all know me by name and may also be my (name of a location in North America) girlfriend. Don’t bother calling me on the cell phone as I can never answer it and the voice mail is always full. Forget emailing me despite the fact I have four computers at my disposal - I never have time to use any of them. But you can read my blog and check out my website if you have forgotten what I look like or would like to pretend I am talking to you so you can engage in my great sense of humor.

Do not use this email as an invitation to rob my house just because I am not there - all my mail and money go to my parents house and I don’t have any time to spend my money and buy things anyway. Despite the fact I work 80 hours a week I actually don’t make that much money either. So unless you are offering a new job with less hours and better pay forget trying to get hold of me. Please just close your eyes and remember the times we used to have together and the man I used to be.

Thanks,
Toby (the machine)
(***) ***-**** [cell] (not that it's going to help you anyhow)

4 comments:

Ruth said...

Your brother is absolutely brilliant if this is any indication. I love it, this is hysterical!!!

Leah said...

So sad Toby! I certainly hope you like what you do, otherwise I would take this blog as a cry for HELP, and will send an emergency rescue crew immediately. Now all I need to know is where you are, and whether I need to bring a lifeboat, ambulance,or simply the jaws of life?

Ruth said...

So are you back in CO yet?

EjucatedGuy said...

I'm still in Canada...