Ending Christmas with a bang

Yeah, it was a pretty good Christmas for the most part. My parents surprised me with a new Wii system, which wasn't expected at all. So, my arms are sore from playing tennis, bowling, baseball, boxing, etc. I know...pathetic.
Unfortunately, I wrapped up my Christmas with a bang...literally. I backed into a car in the street when I was leaving my parents house Christmas night. I'm not really sure what I was doing or how it happened, but I busted out the headlight cover of the other car and now she's going to make an insurance claim. Nice. I offered to pay her the $100 it's going to be to replace it, but she wants to file a claim. Whatever. I should've just driven away and not told her.
Anyway, this has been absolutely my worst year of driving ever. I got my first speeding ticket about 2 months ago, this Christmas accident, and some other minor fender benders I would rather not discuss because it will just make me bitter. However, I will mention that one included the whole front part of my Mazda 6 coming off and I was driving around town with it in the back of my car for a few weeks. See my former blog if you'd like the details.
Hope your Christmas was full of happier surprises than mine.

You're not really helping me

It's a funny thing-for some reason, as Colorado drivers, we don't have to parallel park to pass our driving test. Even so, I failed my driving test the first time I tried, but I'm proud to say I still have a clean driving record. Anyway, I learned to parallel park by....well, trying. It's very embarrassing, because I'm still not very good and I take lots of heat from friends . My lack of parking skills were fully demonstrated one evening in Manitou Springs, CO. Manitou is a small, touristy town at the foot of the mountains. It's also the witchcraft capitol of the USA, but that's not important right now and I'm not going to cite my source because I don't have one. Trust me. I'm Toby. Anyway, back to the parking problem. I was meeting my family for a nice dinner at the Mona Lisa fondue restaurant in historic (or satanic, however you want to look at it) Manitou Springs. The only available parking space was on the main street, cleverly named "Manitou Avenue". Good work with the creativity numb nuts.....ANYWAY, I pulled up to the parking space and after a 30-point manuever, I noticed there happened to be a man walking down the sidewalk next to my car. I immediately realized the opportunity for a little assistance with my parking skills and asked him to direct me. He agreed and started directing me back so I wouldn't hit the car behind me....(remember that part - it's key and a bit foreshadowing). Keep in mind (this is no excuse but certainly a critical factor) I was driving my extended cab 8-foot bed, Dodge Ram 1500 Quad Cab pick up. So, he kept directly me backward saying, "keep coming...you're fine...no problem...you've got it...I'm a huge liar....step on the gas...blah, blah, blah...BOOOOOOMMM >>>>> "what the heck?" My truck jolted and the car behind me moved down the street a bit...As soon as I realized I had hit the car behind me, he jovially blurted out in a I'm-dumber-than-a-stack-of-bricks voice, "TOO FAR!" He even laughed a little at the end...(it was very spiteful)...and then he kept walking while he shook his head like, "What a moron". YOU'RE THE MORON MY FRIEND...NO, NOT MY FRIEND....JUST MORON!! Obviously, I had no choice but to find another parking space so the car with minimal damage wouldn't know it was me.

And you thought I was dead....

Wow, I just remembered that I have a blog. It's been almost 3 months since I've blogged. I guess I didn't really feel like I had much to say, but lots has happened.
First of all, my car is now repaired and in working order which is a good thing because work (real estate) has been crazy the last couple of weeks. Been showing lots of people around, looking at houses and eventually I'll buy one for myself too.
I sold my first house at the end of January but nothing since. So, that leaves me with one paycheck in the last 8 months. Nice. I think I'll set up a charity fund at a local bank that any of you can donate to if you wish.
Let's see....what else....the milk I bought when I posted my last blog has now gone bad, I've aged 3 months, and I have some new friends thanks to MySpace....okay, they're not really friends.
I still have a limited amount of hair, but it's still by choice. Check out my pic and new website, www.buywithtoby.com.
I've listed my first house as well - please buy it.
If you're missing your dose of "Toby Humor" come see me with The Stick Horses in Pants at our next improv show, April 6th at the Broadmoor Hotel. Yes, that's Good Friday. Show starts at 8pm in the Theater.
Also, check out some of our YouTube Videos:

World's Worst DTR
The Stick Horses At Play
Is it a Date or Not?

Well, that's about it. Keep checking back - I might actually start doing this regularly again.

Optical illusion? No, just a bad day.

It looks like the front end of a car in the back seat! How is this possible? Optical illusion?
No, just a bad day.
You see, Colorado was hit with a bad snow storm last week and I was one of the many unfortunate people to get stuck in this mess. Interstates and highways were closed, Denver International Airport was shut down, and even the post office was closed for 2 days right before Christmas (rain, snow, sleet, or hail....but apparently not blizzards). For some reason, I decided to go to work (actually, it's still my hobby) and as I pulled into the parking lot of my company my car got stuck in the snow. As I tried to get unstuck, I was throwing the car into reverse and heard an unfortunate noise. That was my front bumper snapping off. Apparently, the underneath side of my bumper cover was serving as a large snow shovel under my car, scooping snow until it couldn't handle any more. I was trying to dig my car out for almost 2 hours and of course, I didn't have a shovel with me, so I was down on my knees reaching under the car, trying to pull the snow out with my hands. Now, I'm left with frost-bite on my knee caps and a rather strange looking car and a bill for over $1,000 for repairs. Donations are always welcome.
Ideally, you should have a Winter Car Kit during this time of year in case this happens to you too. This includes everything from a shovel, to a bag of kitty litter in case you can't go (that's for traction under your tires - it has nothing to do with relieving yourself). Maybe I'll take my own advice and put all the stuff in my car someday.
Anyway, I think it's time to move to Phoenix where I don't have to deal with Colorado snow storms.

I learned to do it in a minivan

As I'm sure you can tell from the title, we're talking about driving. I had some problems when I first started driving: the road test. It was the day of my 16th birthday - I couldn't wait to get my license so I could go home that night to my birthday party and drive all my friends around (I was one of the oldest in my class, so not many others could drive at that point). So, I'm driving around with Stan from the DMV. Stan normally wouldn't be someone I would pick as a friend. He's a bit anal and seems to enjoy the control and power he has as a proud staff member of DMV. He had the personality of a chemist mixed with dedication to the DMV of a drill sergeant. Anyway, I think I'm doing really well - going the speed limit, checking my mirrors, hands at 10 & 2 - you know the drill. As we pulled into the parking lot at the end of my test, I start getting out of the car and he says, "Hold on, Toby. Let's talk about today." At first, I thought he was going to comment on the plush interior and smooth handling of my parents minivan that I used for this joyous occasion. But instead, he said, "You're not safe to have on the roads." That's not what you long to hear from your driving instructor, Sergeant Stan. Apparently, I hadn't actually stopped for any of the stop signs - or at least a "complete stop". In fact, at the only one I came to a full stop I stopped on the crosswalk and forced a pedestrian to walk into the intersection to cross. That's frowned upon. Anyway, after our brief conversation and valuable life lessons from Sgt. Stan, I went home without a license. I handled it like any mature 16-year-old - cried myself a river and prayed that my friends would still think I was cool. I tried to laugh about it with my friends that night, but it pretty much sucked. Happy freakin birthday. The sad thing is, years later, I went back and failed the written part of my motorcycle test 3 times before getting my license. Ironically, after all that, I have a clean driving record.