Dear Taco Bell

Dear Taco Bell,
What happened today was a mistake. I knew I should have stopped earlier, but I just kept going. It's so hard for me, after all these years. I think I loved you once, but you've changed.

Over the past 10 years, you've hurt me many times and left me begging on my knees for the pain to stop. I knew I couldn't go on like that, so I made a decision to not come back to you. But after a while, I started wondering "what would it be like now." I thought maybe things had changed.

I heard about some new things you were working on and it sounded like you were doing well. The $5 box lured me in, only to find out you had stuffed it with things that would end up hurting me again.

I think it's best if we part ways and never cross paths again. I want to love you, but you insist on hurting me and bringing up what we just finished. My heart says yes, but my body says no. I have to trust my gut on this one and call it quits.

I'm ready for a new chapter in my life. I didn't want to tell you this, but I've been seeing Wendy lately. She just offers me things I can't get from you. Anyway, I'm sure you're not interested in hearing about that.

Tell Cinnamon Twist I said hi.

ejucatedguy


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Some requests for the next time Wendy's makes my hamburger

Dear Wendy's Sandwich Makers

Dear Wendy's sandwich makers,
I have a few requests for the next time you make my sandwich.  Certainly, I'm no restaurant connoisseur, but there seem to be some common sense ideals I'd like to mention that perhaps you could consider.
First of all, please consider the fact that I don't eat my entire hamburger in one bite.  I don't know what kind of training you go through or what burger-making formula you're taught your first day working at Wendy's. But let me give you a little insight: most people enjoy pickles with every bite of the burger, not just the very center bite where you stack all 5 pickles on top of each other.
Same goes for the glob of mustard. There's a reason it comes out of the container in a thin line. Try rotating your hand in a circular motion around the top of the hamburger. One giant squeeze, creating "Mustard Mountain" right in the center is not the preferred method. You can also practice this method with the ketchup and mayo!
Next, onions are obviously the cheapest ingredient since you so graciously pile 1/4 pound of onion on each burger. I thought it was supposed to be a quarter pound of meat? Perhaps there is some confusion and you should go back and reference your manual.
Also, keep in mind that when surveyed, most American's preferred red tomatoes, not hard green crunchy ones. I think I may have figured this one out. Your slogan on your website reads Quality is Our Recipe. I guess I need to request that recipe next time I come in; I didn't realize it was by request only. This is no fault of yours, as a sandwich maker, but maybe just consider it in the broad scheme of things.
Finally, when I  unwrapped my burger tonight, I found most of these condiments smeared all over the sandwich wrapper and consequently all over the outside of the bun. I understand you're working for speed, but obviously that's not working out for you too well either. There's always a huge line when I come in to order and I end up waiting about 5 minutes per customer before I even make it to the counter.
Is any of this making sense to you?  Do you eat your own sandwiches and actually experience these issues that countless customers are taking in stride every meal? Certainly, you don't claim to be "sandwich artists" and it's becoming more and more clear why.
One more thought - has your store ever considered getting more than one credit card terminal for all the cash registers, which gets tied up when you get a phone call or another customer chooses to pay with credit?
Just thought you might consider my suggestions.

A surprise in every meal!

I'll admit - I eat out a lot. (Alone. But that's another story.) I think Sonic Drive-In is one of my favorite places. Yeah. They don't even invite you inside. You're encouraged to stay in your car. Sure, they set up a few picnic tables outside, but they're the kind with the holes in them and you end up loosing lots of food through the table. Plus, if you spill your drink you're screwed. It immediately soaks your pants and you'll need an ample supply of napkins. But none of the car-hops are around when you need something. Sure, they've been over a dozen times to see if you want more ketchup packets or another peppermint, but good luck finding them when they mess up your order or you spill all over your pants because of their special recipe-for-disaster-picnic-tables. If you dare try to go inside and open the sacred "Sonic Door" all the employees yell out some sort of secret code word that basically means you shouldn't have walked into their kitchen. Also, few people know this, but Sonic DOES have bathrooms. They're kind of like gas station bathrooms; it's a scary door that looks like a janitor closet you can only access from outside the building. But my favorite thing about Sonic is that you get to sample a bit of everything when you go. Sure, they always ask if you want fries, tots, or onion rings but we all know it doesn't matter which one you order. After a couple of tots, you find a few fries mashed into your box, and if you're lucky, some onion ring pieces. I wonder what their thinking in that private little kitchen of theirs. I order tots for a reason, but I always get the "combo pack". The real reason I go to Sonic is the amazing music they blare over the loud speakers. And, I'll admit it, I'm just hoping one day to see a car hop bite it in the parking lot on their roller skates.

ding fries are done

A little cheery Christmas song for you.