Thinking back, TV shows saved my life

We're so funny as kids - we create the weirdest games with our siblings and friends, and somehow they are fun and become tradition. In fact, many times the rules are "unspoken" but you just KNOW what you can and can't do.
For instance, when my brother and I would watch TV growing up, we played a little game. It doesn't have a name, so we'll call it "Beat to Death in 2.5 Minutes." Basically, whenever we were watching TV together, at the start of any commercial break we would start wrestling. It could be dangerous, because if you didn't "see the commercial coming," you would suddenly receive a blow to the head, tackle from behind, or a shoe flying through the air in your direction. We would absolutely ravage each other for the 2.5 minute commercial break, but as soon as the show started you had to stop whatever you were doing. This factor often saved my life as my brother was crushing me under his 200 pound body while he laughed as he made me punch myself with my own hands (I hated that one - I could never figure out how to stop it when he grabbed me by the wrist and made me punch my own face). Thankfully, as soon as GI Joe, Ducktales, or C.H.i.P.S came back on my life was suddenly extended for another good 15 minutes. Sometimes it amazes me I made it through childhood. Oh, yeah...sorry if you didn't know this, mom. This is how the wall got punctured in the kitchen. My head got crushed between Chad's massive body and the drywall.

Step Up: I'm ready!

My brother and I used to fight a lot and when I say "fight" I don't mean bickering, I mean Fight Club type fight. You see, we are only 15 months apart so we've always been very close. However, at one point, my brother was about 6'4", 260 lbs and 1% body fat when he was playing football. I, on the other hand, was about 5'6", 90lbs with no body or fat. So, it was hardly ever a real even playing field. One day in elementary school (I was in 2nd, he was in 4th grade) we decided to fight out on the playground before school. Now, understand that kids would gather around and watch as my brother and I squared off. Most of my fans would continue cheering even though I was laying on the ground in crazy pain. I wanted to show them that I could win occassionally. Fun times. Anyway, this cold winter day, we resorted to fighting again, but I decided this was my day. I was set in my mind that I would beat him and all my friends would cheer. I let him throw a few punches and then I socked him right in the mouth with my winter gloves on (the kind that smell funny on the inside when they get wet). He went down instantly! But, I pretty much knew that would happen since I had slipped a handful of cold rocks into the knuckles of my gloves. I think I got a little bruise on my finger when the rocks crushed against his front teeth. Anyway, right as he fell to the ground, the teacher blew the whistle and all the kids lined up to go to class....except my brother laying in the middle of the baseball field face down, covering his face. Maybe he was thinking if he held the spot where his front teeth used to be it might stop bleeding...it's hard to say. Finally, he got up and made some threatening remark to me. I don't know...I really couldn't understand him with his new lisp. Looking back, I should have thought it through a little better and positioned the rocks so they wouldn't hurt my fingers.

Stuntmen - make that stuntman

In response to my brother's comment on "Hair Care Holiday", let me further explain the laundry basket and staircase game. Basically, we were risk-takers growing up. He was the risk, and I was the taker. I would say we were stuntmen, but it was actually just me who did the stunts, so I guess it's just stuntman. Being a very small child, I decided to show my brother (Chad) how cool it was that I could actually fit into our laundry basket. I got in, closed the lid and was so proud of my new talent. As I climbed out, Chad said, "Wow - that's really cool! Show me again" Like a moron, I climbed back in, closed the lid - but this time Chad held the lid down and picked up the basket. I was laughing, not knowing I was now the candidate for "today's stunt". He then carefully set the basket at the top of the staircase and said, "Don't move". Unfortunately, half the basket was hanging off the stairs and my weight was not distributed evenly. Within a matter of seconds, I was tipping toward the staircase (about 20 stairs). It was actually fun for the first tenth of a second - then the basket hit the fifth stair down and shot me out like a biscuit from those pressurized cans. I believe I got some pretty good air before I hit the 12th stair, and finally the wall at the bottom of the landing. Chad thought I was perhaps dead as it took me a minute to orient myself and readjust my eyeglasses. He was laughing pretty hard, but deep down I think he felt bad.
I've sketched a rough rendering of the event called "The Laundry Basket and Staircase Game" for your enjoyment.