You're a huge tool and everyone knows it

You think you're so cool, walking along with your new Christmas clothes on and your sharp new haircut. You sniff up a confident stream of air through your nose which only makes you realize there's still a bit of that Christmas cold lingering in your sinuses. After a quick but moderately quiet snort, you feel the need to spit. But there are so many people watching you - it's hard to be so good looking. You keep your mouth shut waiting for the perfect opportunity to spit where few people will notice, perhaps a small shrub or street crossing. Finally, the moment is right - no one's looking and you let it go...but not quite. It's that damn stringy spit that won't break apart! How is this still attached to your face?!? You gave it a good effort but now it's blowing in the wind and you're awkwardly bent at the waist while continuing to walk, waiting for the 3 foot long strand to release from your bottom lip. Now, you're realizing you should have stopped walking much earlier as it has attached itself to your new Christmas sweater, yet it continues to cling to your chin. NOW people are looking, and it's not your haircut they're noticing. Mothers are pulling their children close with fear in their eyes and disgust in their faces, and even the homeless are shocked by your lack of control. You have to take action and you sacrifice the back of your hand to avoid further embarrassment. But word spreads immediately - don't shake his hand or give him a hug. You're practically a huge walking disease of filth and saliva. There are so many people laughing at you right now. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us.

If you enjoyed this, you may also want to read about drooling while you sleep.

Drooling while you sleep can be socially awkward

When I was in high school, I went to a white water rafting camp in Oregon. Basically, it was a week long and we went white water rafting every other day. It was perhaps one of the greatest weeks of my life and full of memories. One memory in particular was not so good. After a long day of rafting, I was headed home on the short bus with the other kids from my raft group. The girl next to me was obviously exhausted from the day and fell asleep almost as soon as we sat down. I didn't know her at all - never met her, never seen her, except for that day and even that day I never actually talked to her. So, about 10 minutes into the ride her head falls onto my shoulder. Let's be honest - she was really not all that attractive so it was one of those awkward moments - I didn't want to wake her up and embarrass her, but I also really didn't want her snoozing on my shoulder. But, being the nice guy I was, I didn't wake her up. A few minutes later, the bus started heading down a hill and her body wasn't prepared for the transition. The next thing I knew her whole body flopped over and her head was in my lap. As her face slapped against the back of my hand in my lap, she immediately woke up, sat straight up and looked at me with this horrified expression, then laid her head against the bus window and went back to sleep. The whole thing happened so fast, I was still trying to piece it together when I noticed the entire back-side of my hand covered in a pool of warm drool. This wasn't just a droplet, we're talking a full, chipmunk-size-storage mouthful. So, I grabbed her shirt that was sitting on the seat next to her and soaked it up - what! I wasn't going to wipe it on my clothes! I don't think she ever fully knew what happened...it's probably better that way.