Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Things that work - things that don't

Before you travel, let's review a list of both things that work in your hotel room, and things that don't:
THINGS THAT DON'T:
1) In-room iron
It will simply leak all over your clothes that you can't really press anyway thanks to the fine-quality Sunbeam irons that the hotel so thoughtfully selects for their premier guests.
2) Alarm Clock
Bring your own - despite your best efforts, you'll never be able to set these to actually go off at the right time
3) Key Card Locked Doors
Insert = Red light - dangit. Insert again = Red light - piece of... Insert again = YELLOW LIGHT!! what the *** does yellow mean?
4) Hot tub
Sorry for the inconvenience, but you've chosen to stay with us for the week that our hot tub is under major repairs.
5) Under-window temperature control unit
You have two options: off or on. Recommended: crank it up and cook for a while, then shut off to freeze.
NOW, THINGS THAT DO WORK:
1) In-room Iron
looks like the iron works after all. I just got a 3rd degree burn, but it still won't take the wrinkles out of my clothes
2) Alarm Clock
wow, that works too. apparently it has a dual alarm feature and the funny guy before set it to go off at 2:17 AM
3) Key Car Locked Doors
sure enough...I just closed my door without the key and it's securely locked. I guess it's time for a trip to the front desk in my pajamas.
4) Fire Alarm
blazing loud and clear - definitely works, except that it leaves me disabled in my room with a heart attack, left to burn
5) TV Remote
well, the volume up works, but I can't get it turned back down

Really - you're missing out on the glamour if you don't travel.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Toby
FYI.
1. Front desk wake up calls are a thing of beauty and infinitely more reliable than room alarm clocks.
2. Forget the iron! No one cares if your clothes are wrinkled with the exception of your mother. The rest only care about what you have to say and how you say it.
Hope you're having a little fun along the way
Uncle Don Moore

Ruth said...

So did you experience everything on your list just on this last trip? :) Very useful as always...your blog is like a public service or something...deserves more recognition!!

EjucatedGuy said...

well, 2 thoughts:
1) even the wake-up call has failed me and I have no faith in them anymore
2) yes, all these things have happened to me on various trips - thankfully, not all on one.