Thursday, December 18, 2008

Things I Miss From Childhood

These are the things that made my childhood so cool:

Heck with Rubber Ducky, Mr Bubble made bath time lots of fun for me. My mom would always measure a tiny capful, then when she left the bathroom we would add another few cups of Mr Bubble to the water. If you read up on Mr. Bubble, it was actually intended to encourage kids to take baths. Worked for me - I took a bath every Saturday night until I was 16 (This statement is for humorous purposes only. It is not intended to represent or classify actual time spent bathing).

Oh yeah, these were very cool. I ran around in them all day, jumping from the 4th stair so my cape could flap in the wind a bit and I could feel the thrill of flying for 0.2 seconds. After a full day of super activities in my pj's, I would wear them to bed. I'm sure they had an awful stench.

I'm not sure why these were so popular. I guess they were good for kids like me who didn't learn to ride a 2-wheel bike until later than most children. But the design of Big Wheels seemed a little sub-par. No matter how fast you pedaled, the flat tractionless plastic wheels just kept spinning. If you were riding along with your friends, there was no hope for talking to eachother because the plastic on pavement made so much noise, you had stop just to make sense of any conversation. Plus, the brakes on those...uummmm, I don't think they would have really served you well in a true emergency based on the fact you would still skid a good 5 feet after fully applying the brake pedal. Perhaps that most dangerous part of these cheap plastic contraptions was going down a hill where you could no longer move your legs fast enough to keep up with the pedals and you ended up whacking the hell out of your chins and feet. Way to go on introducing pain to children at an early age Mr. Big Wheel.

Very retro. Padded vest and dorky trucker hats with sensors provided hours of fun. They also used gobs of batteries and after a few stuntman dives across the floor, the guns didn't work so well.

There were two types of Zots. One, (Zotz) were an individually wrapped hard candy available at the local 7-11 that had a fizzy-center filling. The second type of zot was the typical boy invention - pieces of ordinary paper, folded up many times, then folded in half. Often times, we would put tape around them as well. Then, you wrap them around a rubber band and shoot them at each other like a sling shot. We had hours of zot wars in our basement growing up. My moms only requirement was that we wore goggles to protect our eyes. We also used our Lazer Tag vest to protect our core since the lazer tag set pretty much broke after the first few months we had it. We were huge dorks, but it was lots of fun. It was sort of a younger version of "Paint Ball" - we had many welts and red marks from some brutal zot shots.
Thanks for reflecting with me, and thanks to Stef N for the inspiration to write on Mr Bubble.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Year of The _________

I try to date one girl per year. It just makes it easier when recalling past relationships so I can refer to my relationships as periods in my life. For instance, "Year of The Lisa." It's no coincidence that some of these periods of my life are names of horrific tropical storms.

As I prepare for the New Year, I've done some thinking. More than just the obvious thoughts that run through my head (like the fact that according to the Chinese calendar 2009 is the Year of The Ox which concerns me a little) but really contemplating. I think I just need to be really honest with women: I have NO money and I'm probably not going to age well. I've already reached my peak and it's all downhill from here. I've never been good at picking up on subtle hints so please just tell me what you're thinking. I will remember random things, but sometimes not the things you deem as "important" so cut me some slack....okay, maybe I should stop. I'm just reciting the actual conversations that ended each of the last few historic "periods" of my life.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

A surprise in every meal!

I'll admit - I eat out a lot. (Alone. But that's another story.) I think Sonic Drive-In is one of my favorite places. Yeah. They don't even invite you inside. You're encouraged to stay in your car. Sure, they set up a few picnic tables outside, but they're the kind with the holes in them and you end up loosing lots of food through the table. Plus, if you spill your drink you're screwed. It immediately soaks your pants and you'll need an ample supply of napkins. But none of the car-hops are around when you need something. Sure, they've been over a dozen times to see if you want more ketchup packets or another peppermint, but good luck finding them when they mess up your order or you spill all over your pants because of their special recipe-for-disaster-picnic-tables. If you dare try to go inside and open the sacred "Sonic Door" all the employees yell out some sort of secret code word that basically means you shouldn't have walked into their kitchen. Also, few people know this, but Sonic DOES have bathrooms. They're kind of like gas station bathrooms; it's a scary door that looks like a janitor closet you can only access from outside the building. But my favorite thing about Sonic is that you get to sample a bit of everything when you go. Sure, they always ask if you want fries, tots, or onion rings but we all know it doesn't matter which one you order. After a couple of tots, you find a few fries mashed into your box, and if you're lucky, some onion ring pieces. I wonder what their thinking in that private little kitchen of theirs. I order tots for a reason, but I always get the "combo pack". The real reason I go to Sonic is the amazing music they blare over the loud speakers. And, I'll admit it, I'm just hoping one day to see a car hop bite it in the parking lot on their roller skates.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I'm chewing the ocean

True Story: I was out with my (then) girlfriend to Black Eyed Pea for lunch. The waitress knew me, because I had given her a hard time in the past. At one point, I begged, "Please don't spit in my food" and from then forward, it was her joke everytime I came in. I would order chicken fried steak, green beans, and mashed potatoes and she would ask, "Would you like spit in that?" Yeah, I didn't think it was funny either. Anyway, this particular day, she asked the same question and I responded, "You know, I hope you really don't spit in my food or poison it every time I come here." Ha, ha, ha we had a good laugh, blah, blah, blah. Part of her daily pitch of specials included a Blackberry cobbler, made fresh for the lunch hour rush. We were there around 1pm for a late lunch, and I was surprised there was any left when I ordered some for dessert. So, back to the conversation with my girlfriend (she's married now, I kind of blew that one). We were having a fairly serious conversation and she was close to tears as I took my first bite of cobbler....there was something terribly wrong. It was, perhaps, the worst thing I've ever had in my mouth. I didn't want to cause a scene or interrupt the serious conversation, so I kept chewing, gagging, and finally swallowed what tasted like a huge bite of chunky ocean water. Finally, Sarah (the relationship I once had) noticed by the contortions in my face that something was wrong and paused the conversation to check in on me. Yeah, it was bad. I knew immediately - they made the cobbler with salt instead of sugar. Apparently, I was the 1st lucky customer of the day to test the awful mix of ingredients. I'm still not sure why I didn't just spit it out. So, we called the waitress over to inquire why she really went through with the threat of poisoning my food. She alerted the manager, who made the entire staff try the disgusting concoction and then they threw away all 6 pans of the wretched mix. Really, I can't ever have Blackberry cobbler again. Thanks Black Eyed Pea for a ruined relationship and bad food.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


To all companies, sales people, and other pointless ventures of advertising, consumer aquisition and retention, please note that I would rather not receive the following items from this point forward:
1) The stupid neighborhood/community newspaper that gets thrown at the end of my driveway and eventually rots into small scraps of newspaper that wash down the city streets.
2) All Facebook application requests.
3) DVD's from Columbia House that I have to return because I forgot to decline my selection of the month.
4) The coupon magazine that comes in my mailbox filled with mail-in cards for collectible figurines that fall out of the stack of mail before I make it inside.
5) The email notification from various people in Africa that I can work with confidentially to get the money I'm owed as a beneficiary to some large some of money.
6) The plastic swords in my drinks and toothpicks in my sandwiches. these are dangerous.
7) the extra screws that come with self-assemble furniture. I don't even use all the required pieces and I certainly don't need extra. as long as the furniture doesn't collapse, I'm okay with the standard supplies.
8) coupons for "buy one sandwich get one free". I'm single and I eat alone frequently. I don't really want another sandwich. I would rather get half price on the sandwich I just bought and not have someone remind me on a daily basis that I have no one else to share a second sandwich with.
9) the huge cotton ball in bottles of medication. I can get a whole bag of cotton balls for 99 cents at Wal-Mart. I don't need more.
10) the annoying phone call I get 2 minutes after arriving in my hotel room to make sure everything is okay. first of all, your phones are nasty and smell like perfume and body sweat. I prefer not to use them. Plus, I'm tired. If I felt like chatting, I would have had a cup of coffee with you at the front desk when I checked in.

Thank you for your consideration. My patience is running thin.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

All the facts add up - I should be smarter

I recently realized I had all the tools growing up that I needed to make me smarter, I just forgot to use them. I started off with a classic toy - the Speak and Spell. Although I could have learned how to spell words and hear sounds with it, instead I plugged in dirty words just to hear a computer say them back. Hilarious by the way - totally worth it. Then I decided it was time to downsize. Yeah, I had this pretty cool calculator watch starting at about 6th grade. It was larger than the back side of my wrist and I probably could have slid it up past my bicept on a cold day. It could do pretty much anything (at the time) but I'm not sure if I ever used the calculator function on it. No, instead I was busy making notes about how much money people owed me from when I let them borrow lunch money and filling up the phone book function with all my friends names and telephone numbers. I think this momentous piece of equipment was also responsible for launching my parttime career of unsuccessful pickup lines like, "My calculator watch has room for you." When I got bored, I would put other numbers in there too, like the library (even though I never went to the library - another missed opportunity for education). Anyway, fast forward another 7 years and I went to college. Another great opportunity to get smarter...but I was a communications major. I know, it just keeps getting worse. Finally, I worked at a publishing company for 5.5 years...but I didn't like reading. So, here I am - ready for smartness to occur. Maybe I'll make a point of using the technology and resources I have to assist in my smarter marathon. For instance, this past year I started playing the Wii instead of xbox. I think I get some points for that...or at least more excercise.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Best Theater Troupe Colorado Springs

If you're local to Colorado Springs or you feel like taking a road trip, come see the Stick Horses in Pants v.s. the R.I.P on June 6 & 7th. These two local improv groups will go head-to-head, competing against each other to claim the title "Best Improv Group in Colorado Springs." Of course, the Stick Horses have already won the title "Best Theater Troupe" according to the Gazette newspaper "Best of Awards for 2008" but they're willing to let R.I.P get a little publicity as well. The shows start at 8:00pm each night, June 6th and June 7th. Similar to Comedy Sports or Who's Line is it Anyway, this show will be audience suggestion improv and an opportunity for you to laugh outloud and impress a date with a fun event. Please support the arts and improv in Colorado Springs by attending this event. Your support (and laughter) help us grow the arts and entertainment in Colorado Springs.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

YOU'RE the one who ruined our friendship, I'M just deleting your picture

It's that tough battle that many of us face today - we want more friends on Facebook and deleting a current friend seems preposterous (yeah, I totally had to look that word up on But sometimes they leave you with no other choice. Here's a letter you're free to use if you find yourself in this awkward situation:

Dear _________ ,

Look, since we've never met each other this is going to be even more awkward. I'm not sure how you talked me into adding you as a friend. I've been very patient with you as you've added 3 new applications each day. I get so excited when I see that I have "5 Notifications" but when I open them, I see your sorry, poorly lit profile picture that you took of yourself in the mirror under the yellowish lights of the bathroom one Friday night as you stayed at home alone. Next to your picture, I'm immediately brought up-to-date on all the ridiculous new applications created for Facebook that day. Where do you find these? How many walls, pokes, races, and fights do I really need? I'm exhausted by the fact that you poke, pinch, throw, prod, tase, throw sharp objects, and exchange bunnies with me daily and ask me to return the "favor." And, no, you're still not my "Top Friend" because it would make my girlfriend angry.
Frankly, I don't care where you've been because I never intend to go anywhere with you. I don't care what kind of drink you order at Starbucks because I'm not going to bring you one, and I could care less if you've compared me as a worse kisser than your friend Timmy.
I'm sorry if this is abrupt, but I'm deleting you from my friends. You're the one who ruined our friendship, I'm just deleting your picture.


Sunday, February 17, 2008

2 Hour Ford Commercial

Did anyone watch the 2 hour Ford commercial tonight on NBC? They called it "Knight Rider." I don't think I've seen product placement like this since....well, last week on Biggest Loser. Anyway, I have to say I have enjoyed some of the classic shows I grew up with coming back to primetime. For instance, American Gladiators. Let's face it - that's just good TV. Watching school teachers and average joe's getting pumbled by massive athlete's that have taken so many steriods their fingers alone are stronger than the average man. But Hulk Hogan as a host? I don't know about that. I think at 55 years old it's time to cut the blonde hair off and hang up the handkerchief from his head. But I guess it makes sense why he tries to look so tough and rugged - his real name is Terry Gene Bollea. Okay, so maybe it's not great TV but it's fun to mindlessly watch when you have nothing better to do.

I'm just curious what's next - what other TV shows from my childhood will be brought back? Maybe they'll bring back the cast of Different Strokes for an updated series (you know, the ones who aren't in prison). Gary Coleman's a definite possiblity - he's always looking for work. Plus he hasn't really aged in 25 years so he's got that going for him. And William Shatner...I bet he really misses hosting Rescue 911. Must be why he sold out to doing commercials.
Ultimately, most of the shows should just stay locked in the vault. You know the ones I'm talking about: Hee-Haw, Golden Girls, Silver Spoons, Punky Brewster and most definitely Roseanne (yeah, I'm not even going to provide a link for this one). Actually, if we could just lock her in a vault just to cover our bases that might be good.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Stick Horses in Pants feature web video

As many of you know, I'm a professional Colorado real estate agent during the day and local improv actor by night. My improv group, Stick Horses in Pants, continues to grow and expand in the Colorado Springs area. Recently, we were interviewed, photographed, and filmed by the Gazette Newspaper in Colorado Springs. They followed us to numerous performances and practices to understand the full scope of what we do....and to write a feature story about us which will be featured in the GO! Entertainment section of the newspaper on Friday, February 15th! We're excited to have the exposure to help us advertise our monthly improv shows, performed at Colorado Springs School's Louisa Performing Arts Theater. If you'd ever like to attend a show, we'd love to see you the 4th Saturday of every month. We're also available as entertainment for special occassions, humor for any size parties, company dinners and corporate events, or any group that would enjoy family-friendly comedy improv.

Please check out our video on and read the article published in the Gazette on 2/15/08 for a small sample of what we do and then come to a show and enjoy it as an audience member. You can even purchase your tickets for Stick Horses in Pants online!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Improv for all! Colorado Springs School Show coming JAN 26

So, after hearing that our improv group (Stick Horses in Pants) wouldn't be performing again at the Broadmoor Hotel until Easter weekend, we decided to book some shows of our own. We have partnered with the Colorado Springs School and will perform 5 improv shows. Starting JAN 26th, we will be on the 4th Saturday of each month through April 2008. Here are the actual dates:

Saturday, JAN 26th, 7:00PM
Saturday, FEB 23rd, 7:00PM
Saturday, MAR 22nd, 7:00PM
Saturday, APR 26th, 7:00PM
Saturdat, MAY 24th, 7:00PM

Doors open at 6:40 and we will be charging admission of $8.00/person. Discounts are available for families and students of Colorado Springs School. This is family friendly entertainment, audience suggestion improv. We make it all up as we go, based on your suggestions! Often, the bigger the audience the better the show because of the energy and variety of creative suggestions. We're doing our best to provide some unique and inexpensive entertainment to the Colorado Springs community.

Join our Facebook Group (Watching Stick Horses in Pants Improv makes my cheeks hurt laughing...Group) for the latest updates and news on The Stick Horses in Pants.

Please come join us and support us! Put the dates on your calendar now - we're excited to see you there!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Thinking back, TV shows saved my life

We're so funny as kids - we create the weirdest games with our siblings and friends, and somehow they are fun and become tradition. In fact, many times the rules are "unspoken" but you just KNOW what you can and can't do.
For instance, when my brother and I would watch TV growing up, we played a little game. It doesn't have a name, so we'll call it "Beat to Death in 2.5 Minutes." Basically, whenever we were watching TV together, at the start of any commercial break we would start wrestling. It could be dangerous, because if you didn't "see the commercial coming," you would suddenly receive a blow to the head, tackle from behind, or a shoe flying through the air in your direction. We would absolutely ravage each other for the 2.5 minute commercial break, but as soon as the show started you had to stop whatever you were doing. This factor often saved my life as my brother was crushing me under his 200 pound body while he laughed as he made me punch myself with my own hands (I hated that one - I could never figure out how to stop it when he grabbed me by the wrist and made me punch my own face). Thankfully, as soon as GI Joe, Ducktales, or C.H.i.P.S came back on my life was suddenly extended for another good 15 minutes. Sometimes it amazes me I made it through childhood. Oh, yeah...sorry if you didn't know this, mom. This is how the wall got punctured in the kitchen. My head got crushed between Chad's massive body and the drywall.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Tax season makes me wish someone would be my personal assistant....for free.

Well, I have to say I'm glad the Christmas season is over....and actually, I'm glad 2007 is over too. It was a rough year for various reasons. One, it was absolutely my worst driving year ever with numerous accidents, fender benders, towing bills, speeding tickets, and car scratches.
So, welcome to 2008. I still need to sit down and write out some specific goals, but one will be to keep in better touch with people, both business contacts and personal relationships. I go through phases with my friends and acquaintances where I'm really bad at contacting and staying in touch with them.
Another goal will be better organization. Already, on the first day of the New Year, I start thinking about tax season. Yep, I've got 3.5 months to get my hundreds of receipts and expenses organized so I can write them off and figure out how much money I lost this year. The good news is I know where most of my receipts are: the glove box in my car, a shoe box in my room, spread across my desk at home, in a blue folder at work, and scattered through my briefcase. It shouldn't be hard....crap, yeah it will.