Monday, July 24, 2006

Near Death Experience for Chuck E Cheese


It's every parents nightmare. They ask their kids what they want to do for their birthday and the "precious little children" opt to go to Chuck E Cheese Pizza. I know how much parents hate it - from personal experience. I use to work there and one of my main duties was hosting birthday parties. I was their personal host for an hour and a half. It was awful. The parents were more than likely grumpy as the realization hit them they would be spending much more than planned for little Jimmy's special day. It's bad enough just to take your kids there and have them yelling and screaming and whining for more tokens. What's even worse is having 20 other peoples' kids there. It never ended. It was one Exedrin headache after another. One of my duties was dressing up in the Chuck E costume and walking around hugging the kids. Ironic isn't it? At furry rat making up for love their parents never gave them. Anyway, that usually wasn't too bad, until some brat came up to me with what I thought was a friendly handshake, only to find out that he secretly mashed his chewing gum into my furry paw. I was also punched in the crotch more times than you can imagine. But, I had passive-aggressive ways to get revenge on the little twerps. Like the time I was walking down the isle, leading a train of about 20 children, marching happily along through the dining room. Unfortunately, Chuck E's shoes are about five times as big as mine and a little trickier to walk in. Consequently, the overly large red shoe caught on a chair and sent me tumbling to the floor. The train of children suddenly came to a screeching halt as Chuck E's head rolled down the isle and his body lay limp next to the tipped-over chair. Their happy little smiling faces instantly became hardened with fear, for Chuck E may have died in their minds at that moment. But, I knew the death of Chuck E would be far too traumatic for these small, virgin eyes. So, I slowly slithered along the floor on my furry belly until I reached my jumbo sized head. As I looked more closely, I realized the horrific fall had broken off the two front teeth from Chuck E's plastic face and cracked the left ear. But these were the least of my concerns - I had to pull through...for the children. I couldn't stop now; I must show them that Chuck E lives! So, I slipped the head back on, stood up quickly, and with my plastic smile and missing teeth, confidently continued my joyous march around the dining room. That's one birthday those children will always remember.

6 comments:

Chad said...

I am not sure you made anymore parents sick there then you did serving chicken salmonella sandwiches at sick-fl-a. BTW way don’t tell my kids about how you almost killed the beloved rat.

That was along time ago though surely now that you have retired from the publishing business you have good blog stories from that?

Sarah said...

Oh, yeah. Definitely tell the publishing stories. I can think of a few products from CBA that you might want to write about.

Jamie said...

always good for a laugh. thanks!

Ruth said...

When Larry and Bob visited the store when I worked there, we had some close calls. The costumes were crap -- Bob kept deflating and the zipper on the back of Larry's costume had to be taped shut. It was sad. But the enraptured three year olds didn't seem to care.

Really, though, your dedication to Chuck E. Cheese in the face of near disaster is inspiring.

And yes, I agree with Chad and Sarah that this blog needs publishing stories!

Troy Hurst said...

Hey Toby - Troy from Innovative. I was thinking about you today and just wanted to drop a line and say hello and check to see how things are going, well I hope. Love the stories - you are definately gifted! Take Care - Troy

EjucatedGuy said...

Yes, my brother used to say I was gifted as well.