If I were made of clay

Yep, I've created myself as a clay figure, thanks to Hotels.com.  You should go try it too.

I made my mouth extremely large because, if you don't know me, it is extremely large.  I can fit the top of a pop can between my teeth. I'm still searching for a photograph to compare to this one so you can see that I'm serious.

Well, I guess that's about the extent of the excitement in my life right now. 

Bye.

Dear Taco Bell

Dear Taco Bell,
What happened today was a mistake. I knew I should have stopped earlier, but I just kept going. It's so hard for me, after all these years. I think I loved you once, but you've changed.

Over the past 10 years, you've hurt me many times and left me begging on my knees for the pain to stop. I knew I couldn't go on like that, so I made a decision to not come back to you. But after a while, I started wondering "what would it be like now." I thought maybe things had changed.

I heard about some new things you were working on and it sounded like you were doing well. The $5 box lured me in, only to find out you had stuffed it with things that would end up hurting me again.

I think it's best if we part ways and never cross paths again. I want to love you, but you insist on hurting me and bringing up what we just finished. My heart says yes, but my body says no. I have to trust my gut on this one and call it quits.

I'm ready for a new chapter in my life. I didn't want to tell you this, but I've been seeing Wendy lately. She just offers me things I can't get from you. Anyway, I'm sure you're not interested in hearing about that.

Tell Cinnamon Twist I said hi.

ejucatedguy


Other posts you might enjoy:
Dear Wendy's Sandwich Makers
Dear Makers of Tag Body Spray
Dear Friends
Dear Massage Therapist

I saw your Facebook post

Yes, I saw your cry for attention disguised as a Facebook post, I just chose not to comment.

Dear business man having an outdoor meeting

Dear business man having an outdoor meeting,
Thanks for the entertainment this morning. When you started spreading your paperwork across the table outside on a windy day, I thought, "Surely he knows that's all going to blow away." But you looked so polished and professional, like you knew exactly what you were doing...well, that is until your paperwork started blowing everywhere throughout Manitou Springs. I'm not sure what sort of product you were pitching or proposal you were making, but I'm sure you left a killer impression with your clients as you ran around stomping on the pages of your pitch. I know I was impressed.
Thanks again,
Ejucatedguy

Some requests for the next time Wendy's makes my hamburger