Dear Friends,

I wanted to let you all know about a significant life change that may be coming very soon for me. I've been in fairly constant contact with a nation-wide company called Publisher's Clearing House that is offering something fairly substantial. I certainly don't want to get my hopes up and I hesitate even telling you, my trusted friends, about this possible opportunity.
Anyway, I'll try to keep this short, but here's the scoop:
It all started last February when I got a letter in the mail. At first, it seemed like the kind of letter that would be mailed to lots of people and I didn't think much of it. They asked me to do a few things and respond in a timely manner, which I did. As our correspondence continued, I realized that they really cared about me. They started personalizing my packages with sticky notes and personal letters from the president of the company. I realized that this was serious and I couldn't give up on the efforts I had already put forward. I admit, it has cost me a lot in postage, but in the end, that won't matter. I'm pretty sure it's between me and one other person here in Colorado Springs, but my household has been chosen several times and the probable winner. Thankfully, I kept sending the correspondence back - it sounds like a lot of people forgot to send back their packets and they only have themselves to blame.
Again, I don't want to get too excited yet, but it looks like I may have already won 10 million dollars. You may see me on T.V. - I'm going to try my best to act surprised, but it's kind of a done deal at this point.
Please know that I won't forget ANY of you...you're all special to me!

Sincerely,

Toby L Lorenc

COPS: Special Edition-Chuck E Cheese

Grab your cupcakes and pizza kids - there was a new LIVE show at Chuck E Cheese in Aurora, CO the other night. No, it wasn't the usual squeaky mechanical animals performing on stage last Sunday afternoon that caught customers attention, it was the man being tasered at the salad bar! Police were called to the Chuck E Cheese in the suburb of Denver when 29 year-old Danon Gale couldn't prove to a manager that he had paid for the trip to the salad bar after loading his plate like a hungry soldier. But he wasn't the only soldier there that night - the police showed up to take care of this serious situation. "All units - CODE 3 to the Chuck E Cheese salad bar" crackled over the police radio. When officers showed up, the stories start conflicting about what actually happened (you know, who pushed who first). But it all ended with the salad bandit getting tasered twice by the police, in front of his 3 and 7 year old kids as well as a full house of other children and families. Chuck E Cheese managers said, "When the police began tasering him, he really had some great moves and we're thinking about incorporating them into our live dance shows so kids can watch it again and again." Okay, they didn't really say that. In fact, they've hired an attorney and refused to comment. Maybe it's time to pick a new place for family entertainment.

Check out the full story of the salad bar tasering.

Jobs we never admit to

Thinking back on all the jobs I've had, I start to wonder: What was I thinking? As you know if you've read my blog, I was Chuck E Cheese for a while. I remember actually thinking as I applied how cool it would be to wear around that huge rat costume. Truth be told, it was terrible. It was so hot - you're covered by layers of padded fur and you have to dance every hour. The mini fan in the head of Chuck E doesn't come close to cooling you down. I used to sweat so much, my glasses would slide off my face inside the Chuck E head. Plus, you've got kids pulling a tugging on you wanting constant attention. I think parents who don't give thier kids enough attention take them to Chuck E Cheese. That way, they can get hugs and have someone hold thier hand as they walk around, while mom and dad sit at the table drinking cheap beer and even worse wine. I guess those help wash down the awful pizza and make parents forget they don't give their kids enough attention. Then kids can win cheesy prizes for playing games and collecting tickets. I don't know what the attraction is, but I'll admit I loved going there as a kid too. But working there was a whole different story. What was I thinking?

Drooling while you sleep can be socially awkward

When I was in high school, I went to a white water rafting camp in Oregon. Basically, it was a week long and we went white water rafting every other day. It was perhaps one of the greatest weeks of my life and full of memories. One memory in particular was not so good. After a long day of rafting, I was headed home on the short bus with the other kids from my raft group. The girl next to me was obviously exhausted from the day and fell asleep almost as soon as we sat down. I didn't know her at all - never met her, never seen her, except for that day and even that day I never actually talked to her. So, about 10 minutes into the ride her head falls onto my shoulder. Let's be honest - she was really not all that attractive so it was one of those awkward moments - I didn't want to wake her up and embarrass her, but I also really didn't want her snoozing on my shoulder. But, being the nice guy I was, I didn't wake her up. A few minutes later, the bus started heading down a hill and her body wasn't prepared for the transition. The next thing I knew her whole body flopped over and her head was in my lap. As her face slapped against the back of my hand in my lap, she immediately woke up, sat straight up and looked at me with this horrified expression, then laid her head against the bus window and went back to sleep. The whole thing happened so fast, I was still trying to piece it together when I noticed the entire back-side of my hand covered in a pool of warm drool. This wasn't just a droplet, we're talking a full, chipmunk-size-storage mouthful. So, I grabbed her shirt that was sitting on the seat next to her and soaked it up - what! I wasn't going to wipe it on my clothes! I don't think she ever fully knew what happened...it's probably better that way.

Some personal notes from me to phobics

Phobophobia: Fear of phobias
I would advise that you don't continue reading.

Prosophobia: Fear of progress
Two down, 12 to go. Good work!

Sophophobia: Fear of learning
Keep reading - there's lots of good information here.

Agateophobia: Fear of insanity
Is it just me or does that seem like a cyclical problem? If you're always afraid that you may be insane....doesn't that make you insane?

Apeirophobia: Fear of infinity
Sorry apeirophobics, this will always be a fear for humans. ALWAYS.

Arithmophobia: Fear of numbers
My #1 favorite, but #6 on the list.

Athazagoraphobia: Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting
These people don't really exist.

Catagelophobia: Fear of being ridiculed
These people are morons.

Cenophobia (or Centophobia): Fear of new things or ideas
I bet you don't even know what your phobia is called.

Cyberphobia: Fear of computers or working on a computer
STOP READING NOW

Decidophobia: Fear of making decisions
Please take my survey in the sidebar.

Hamartophobia: Fear of sinning
Too late. Sinner.

Xyrophobia: Fear of razors
I'm sure you have a lovely beard.

specific phobias