Things aren't always as they seem

Poor Kermit - he's got a long road ahead




If you don't quite get it, look for Big Bird sitting around the table....

The Art of Bachelorhood

Here's just a glimps of my life as a bachelor. Someone pointed out to me the other day that it seems the only people who really read and comment on my blog are women...hmmmm. Anyways, I knew this picture would be appauling to most of you so I posted it. You see, as a bachelor there are some things I just don't care about. The beauty of being single and living alone is that it doesn't really matter what I do (or don't do, like take out the trash). This picture actually provides lots of information about me: I like Gatorade, I buy generic breakfast cereal (for dinner), Hotpockets (also for dinner), small cartons of milk (which usually spoil before I use them), and I recently received a UPS package (I don't remember what it was). Any bachelor will tell you that the art of "trash configuration" is an important one. I owe much of it to my years of playing Tetris. One crucial key to this art: notice the sturdy papers coming out of the right side of the trash can - these provide the support needed to hold extra items OUTSIDE of the trash can, literally buying me days that I can stall taking the trash out. Now, let's sing to the tune of the Hokey-Pokey, "You put the sturdy paper in ... and you let the sides hang out ... you put the bottles on top ... so you don't have to take it out...." There you go - that's me (sorry mom).

Concerned Church Member

okay, you've got to check this out - I was going to just post it on my site, but I want you to check out CJ's blog. Anyway, go to "Worship complainer - the REMIX!" post and check out the recording. You have to listen to the 2 recordings in order - first, is the actual voice mail left by this concerned member of the church, then, listen to the Remixed version. It's good stuff - definitely will make you laugh!
Worship complainer - the REMIX!

Save a friendship - pick a different gift

Apparently I'm not up on "what's cool" anymore, because this animatronics monkey is not only unappealing as a Christmas gift, it actually concerns me. Concerns me that <1> someone that calls themself a friend would buy this <2> someone who is the friend would want this. It's available through Sharper Image for a mere $149. The marketing copy actually says, ' "Alive" Chimpanzee can see, hear and feel in ways that allow him to interact intelligently with you, your family, your guests...and with baffled strangers.' Let's break that down: "see, hear and feel in ways..." stop there. It's a piece of metal wrapped in highly-flammable fur that you plug into your wall. I don't think there's a whole lot of personality there. Next, "allow him to interact intelligently with you..."If my children are interacting intelligently with this, they either need a special school or special medication. Finally, "and with baffled strangers." This I can understand. Enough said.
Certainly, the fact that his eyes look hauntingly real, his teeth look like he's been smoking for years, and "his skin reacts to contact with touch sensors all around" this is an automated nightmare waiting to happen. Someone should be fired.

"Even my boogers are spicy"

Ahhh, a classic line from Ralph (Ralphie) Wiggum after he gets sprayed with pepper spray. Yes, that's right - I'm a huge Simpsons fan and some Christians would call me a terrible person because I watch the show. I hear parents talk about their kids watching the Simpsons and say, "That's not good for our children." My response: eating Snickers Bars and drinking Pepsi isn't good for them either, but that's sure not slowing them down from shoveling that crap down their throats all day long. Anyway, I'm pretty much giving strong hints of what I'd like for Christmas - the complete 7th season is in stores on DVD DEC 13, just in time for Christmas. What do you get a guy who has everything? The gift of humor (i.e. the Simpsons 7th season on DVD). In fact, one of my favorite books is the Gospel According to the Simpsons. If you haven't read it, you need to check it out. You may be surprised by the background and thinking of the writers of this show - it's actually pretty brilliant. Click on the banner above to check out the Simpson characters, episode guides, and the Simpsons store for more gifts for me.